Nuts and Bolts

Mental Illness- Yay!  It's no longer taboo to discuss.
In fact, in some circles it's trendy and fashionable.

Don't write any pissy comments about this being too flippant- it's my life.
Trust me, I'm not being flippant, I'm flipping coping here.  Feel free to come along.
Or move on to the next blog.
If you choose to come along, here's the dealio:

  • I'm posting about my own experiences and a few of those I know and love.  The purpose is to peek inside the head of a "crazy person".  (again, if you're offended- move along.)

I get to call myself crazy.  For one, I'm a professional.  I have a license and a real paying job.  Part of that job description involves treating mental health diagnoses.  I don't claim to know everything but I've seen some shit.

  •  I have paid good money on mountains of my own medical bills to be called lots of long ugly words, mostly ending in -disorder.  So, dammit, I've earned it.  Or at least funded it.

And finally; it's the webbernet and I can say whatevery I like because it's also America.
I'm trying to help here so just let me live.

Because of my own history and because of the beautifully broken people who will surely flock to this blog- I intend to make some distinctions.  The goal is to give encouragement and understanding if it helps.  We shall avoid surprise diving in too deeply and causing flashbacks, nightmares, constipation, and other Ruined My Whole Day reading.  Hopefully.  There may be some of those moments.  
Heed the warnings to follow.

The examples and events will be listed with sort of a rating system to prepare the reader for content.

The first pile I will call "Everyday Crazy".
This is for the visitors who are just curious if  "I can't-eat-my-M&M's-unless-I-sort-them-by-color" is a real struggle that everyone experiences.  (It's not.  We are special and so are our chocolate candy covered pieces of satisfaction; as long as green is separated from brown.)
Generally it's no harm, no foul type stuff.
Maybe it annoys the hell out of your partner, siblings, or classmates but nobody's going to jail over it.

Behind door number two is a little more concerning fare.
"Save Up for Bail Money" is the theme and, quite possibly the good advice.
Maybe you are just wondering if other people get away with nutty thoughts WITHOUT being spotted by the general public.  Maybe you're just asking "for a friend".
Examples are schemes hatched (but never carried out) that may include causing the abbreviated lifespan of the neighbors' annual holiday party, loud car, or bothersome cat.  Again, we aren't talking about actual pet murderers- just those who have thoughts (sometimes elaborate and ornate) of doing things they know they must never do.
[If said neighbors ever were caught sticking a banana in the tailpipe of the teenage boy next door's car there would be hell to pay.  Or at least a lengthy explanation of Beverly Hills Cop humor].

You may be wondering just how deep these waters can get.  Straight to the end of the pier is "Hospital Grade".   This is more serious and less funny.  Most of these examples come from truly frightening time spent with people who are "On the Ledge"- so to speak.
I've been to the edge.  I've stood and looked down.
The reason for this section is not to sensationalize suicide, abuse, or devastating Mental Disease.
It is not meant to minimize it either.
It is to help others understand.  It's from the times I've listened when a husband says, "How could she have killed herself? I thought she was getting better" and the parent cries "Why won't he just TELL me what's wrong".  This is where you will see behind the locked door that is the psych unit.
It's to help give some words to the one who hurts and can't do this for themselves.  There are times the conversation is just too hard to start.  Those times might just start with one of you saying, "let me show you something I read" or "I don't know how else to say this but I feel just this same way".
It's also for those of us who have to make decisions.  Big horrible choices like in A Beautiful Mind.

That does not mean this speaks for everyone who is hurting.
You certainly won't find every answer. But, hopefully, you can find some.

If just one person can relate then my work here is worth it.
You have been warned.  You've also been welcomed.  Come on inside my head.