There's this recurring theme in my life. I want to start over- do a better job now that I'm in a better place. I want to hit the reset.
It's like that with my partner, my job, several friends, my kids, and even my home. I want a different outcome without having to move to California and start all over. I want a change. Really, only I can make that change and I'm realizing it's not as hard as I've feared.
A very good friend of mine once told me if I want my life to be different I should just write. Writers can create universes. We can be and go and do anything we can imagine. That's a lot of pressure. When life is really difficult is when we most often have failures of creativity. It's nice to know there are universes out there to choose from though.
Another good friend taught me about the writing of comedy and tragedy. We talked for a long time about the outcome of every story and how subtle a change is required to change from one to the other. Sometimes just a matter of perspective makes the shift from comedy to tragedy- like viewing life from the lense of a victim. The swap is also possible for tragedy to comedy when we can practice letting go of hurt and laughing occasionally when things don't go as we'd hoped. Life is still unfair and the pain and suffering are real. Our responses to them are sometimes what make circumstances good or bad. I can look at my own mother's life and decide either it was a devastating failure of raising hurt kids who had more than our share of struggles- or I can see it as a colorful adventure that made me incredibly resourceful.
If I could sing you a song, I would. I can't -but I want you to hear my friend.
(We are imaginary friends- she doesn't know who I am, but in my mind she laughs and laughs at my stories and writes songs about me and our friendship and our adventures and we drink tea together with our pinkies out).
I've listened to this one hundreds of times and I'd like for you to hear it today. Maybe you're in a place in life like mine... you'd like to think things can change. It might not seem like they can- or you might be on the brink of it. Relationships sometimes change on the turn of a phrase. I like to think that can happen; that I can change my whole life by not just saying the same thing I always say. When we respond differently everyone around us has to as well. It's the dance of relationships. When I change my steps, you have to as well- or you can get your toes stepped on or you mught bump me awkwardly. It's hard to do -but worth it. And the power of change starts with me- me not saying the same thing I always say when I'm angry, or not doing the same thing everytime situation A or B happens. Small change...
Did you hear it? My favorite parts....
"Come on- let's rewrite this tragedy". She's not doing it herself. She invited someone else in to write with her. I love co-creating. My best work, two daughters, has been done with my husband, our dogs and family and a whole village of loons. My effort alone is not enough to create such intricate work. I need help. And it's available THANK GOD!
And the "ooooohhhh ooh ohhhh ohhhs". That's another favorite part. I dance around in circles to it. Something about the wordless joy of it sends me spinning. (You should try it.)
The crash and hi hat, the little Eric Clapton riffs at the end... I love the guitar and the percussion and the way everything blends so perfectly. I love it "one line at a time". "Another first chance to be truly Brave". And the egg shaker; the only instrument I can play with any proficiency. Did you miss it? Go back and listen again. Go rewrite. Go give it a try.
I know, this is easy for me. I have a happy marriage- I just want some small changes; less criticism, more fun, healthier living for all of us. But listen to me.... I got here from a place of complete devastation. It all happens with one choice, one rewrite at a time. You can do this.
If I could, everybody can.