Monday

My Village People

They say it takes a village to raise a child.  Being an introvert for at least all of the months that have an "R" in them makes that rather difficult.  Any playgroups we've been invited to or friends I've happened to make during "non R months" are generally alienated by the time the oysters are back in season.  A few loons have stuck it out and are by my side till the end.  Everyone else just doesn't get my seafood humor.  It's hard to be a part of a village for some of us.  That is my point.  

As my children have grown up it is even more difficult to be a part of any kind of community.  Now, not only am I the weird mom with cute kids, I'm the weird mom with cute kids who have of their own ideas. These mainly involve not tolerating groups of people and their endless bullshit.  (Maybe I have done SOMETHING well as a parent.)  My husband also has a low threshold for human interaction.  We are a charming bunch, really.  Just ask our neighbors.

In my quest to relate to others I have found several delightful online communities.  As a result I've been inspired to blog by people like Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat and Jenny Lawson of The Blogess. It's not just about being funny, shedding some light on mental illness, or ripping on Pinterest moms. It's about being ok in my own head and heart and growing up kids that I don't want other people to punch in the throat.  It's also about sharing what's swirling around in my brain with a community of people who don't want to live too close to me or be all up in my personal space, but won't judge me in cyberspace.

I've been saving for therapy for my kids longer than I've been saving for college. I'm convinced they'll need the former more than the latter. The things I want to develop in them include empathy helpfulness and a sense of humor. They'll need them in this Dumpster of a world.  I'm not so sure I'm doing this right, but "A" for effort.   There isn't a mom around who worries about failing more than me.
 I'm not as witty as other bloggers or as creative as other moms I do have a passion for a few odd things.  My extensive experience with certifiably cucko people makes for interesting stories.
Plus, I need a place to vent; my fam is over me.  So here I am in blog world... sharing the madness.

I am firmly in the camp of Halloween-is-better-than-Christmas.  This is partly because I suck at crafts.  Nobody got time for a half ass Santa, but a shitty ghost made of the crap in my back yard- Oh, hells yes!  
THAT is holiday decorating at my house, people.


The entire point of this ghost is to keep my dog (who is inexplicably terrified of spray bottles) out of a brushy area full of poison ivy in my backyard.  Dangling spray bottles from the trees seemed a little too Gloria Dump (Best "witch" of all time.  Because of Winn Dixie).  Don't ask what I'm going to do November 1.  He may become the Ghost of Christmas Pass-the-Calamine lotion. Not sure yet.

Much to my coworkers' dismay, I don't limit the holiday spirit to home.
I also don't remember to move an elf from one mischievous scene to another for my children, who don't notice my lame scenarios anyway.  If I'm going to go to that much trouble it will be for my own entertainment and the guffaws of a few friends.  Knowing this, my internet friends turned me on to another Pretend Friend, Jen Mann and her Elf piece.

I WILL, however, dress up our Medical Training Dummy and move him around the office to scare the bejeebers out of pharmacists, nurses, and all other staff foolish enough to come to work unprepared for a creepy ass CPR dummy in the staff bathroom.  
Oh, you can't sitter on the shitter at work?  
(Potty humor is another fav- I love me the "What the Ever Loving Shit?" site Linda does at http://www.halfa1000miles.com/)
Even if you don't use the bathroom at work, you prolly come in the front door...

Thought you'd sneak in the back door...? I'll get you too mutherfeckers!  And, just for kicks, the guys in the warehouse get in on the fun too.  I'm generous.




My virtual friend Jen Mann also rants on "Whore-iffying Slutty Costumes" and her followers are equally hilarious with Whore-loween comments at  peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat/sexy-halloween-costumes.  And that is why Halloween is better than Christmas.  Plus, there's no stress of buying the right gift or spending endless hours with extended family.  You buy a huge bag of candy and give it to strangers.  What could be better?

Um, giving books to strangers! Even MORE halloween awesomeness  My Muse is Jenny Lawson.  She has even more mental health diagnoses than me and my real friends.  As another of my virtual buddies she loves the shit out of my writing, parenting style, costumes, and decorations.  (Christmas and Halloween).  To show her solidarity she even decorates her PETS for the holiday!  ...Plus, I understand she is friends with Brene Brown.  She is my mentor.  I also trust her to teach me the good stuff.

My imaginary friends aren't the only ones I have.  (The people are real. It's our friendship that is in my imagination.  Keep up, people.)
Thankfully there are people in my REAL village speaking into my parenting.   I will invite them over for hotdogs tonight. (Mainly so I have an excuse to put on a costume.  Don't judge me).  They have encouraged me as a writer, a mother, and a human being. If you aren't able to make or keep friends, don't want to leave the house, or just need a little help- I hope you'll join us here.  You are not alone.

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